26 February 2011

Birthday Changes

Change is good. This week, my birthday week has been a week of changes for me. As I sit at my lovely table overlooking all my flowers and lovely plants I realize that Im not scared of being the age I am now.
When I was 17 I thought by this age I’d have a house, a career maybe even live in an exotic location with my own designer house, amazing designer clothes, an expensive shoe collection and I would be very happy with everything.
Its funny how you don’t question how this would all happen, and the intricacies of it all when you are say….19, or 20 or even 23!
So now firmly in my early 30’s I sit, broke as ever and wondering why I am actually happier?
Appreciation for everything you cannot afford is a big lesson in life and one I feel many people underestimate. Like my shoes, luckily for xmas my mum gave me some money to spend and I went to River Island (after I spent most of the money on rent!) and bought a pair of grey shoes, grey ankle boots that have a furry collar. And I LOVE them. Wear them all the time, everywhere and almost a month later, they are still my ‘new’ boots!
In this week, I was simultaneously offered 2 full time contracts and got two acting jobs and also signed with an acting agent. I was honestly shaking as I was told I was offered the most amazing production job with a great company. Huge life questions springing up in front of me:
Am I abandoning my dreams?
Will I end up abandoning my path, because I cannot commit the time to it with this new job?
What about all the projects on my slate I am concentrating on – will they fall by the wayside as well?
What happens when I get bored of this job and start to hate it and hate my choices (as so often happens in full time work)?
And yet with all these choices and questions battering about my brain I still took the job. (Possibly from some induced concussion)
As we must learn, we have to go forward and take brave new steps as artists, as creatives, locking and chaining oneself to an idea is just as stifiling as working full time in a job you don’t want (and I actually want this job!). It’s the way you look at things and I realize there are things I want to learn (Final Cut Pro is a great start!) that I want to experience not just for me but for my own future projects.
And with my burning determination (I have been described as a tornado blowing everything out of my path! In a good way – I hope) I need to trust I wont lose focus but in fact have more time to work on those projects as Im not scrabbling around, but have a routine.
Routine is good for us routineless creatives. (I hate routines after 2 days).
As we can concentrate our energies into our creative pursuits rather than getting grumpy with everything around us.
So to sum up, being 31 has brought me; fantastic new opportunities to learn, grow and hopefully find the courage to step forward on the great path.
As someone great said somewhere:
One can only learn by stepping outside of their comfort zone
Go forth and step outside!

PS You need to read this blog - especially if you are a writer. Its hilarious about the writing craft by Chuck Wendig
sit down with a cup of tea and enjoy.

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